Furniture Warehouse

The insomnia is back, although I'm not sure it ever left...I can't really say that about too much else in my life.  Ok, roll the eyes, cue the violins, call the shrink.  What can I say??!  I'm sullen.  It's fucking 4:45 in the morning on a Saturday and I'm awake.  And not because I never went to bed on Friday either.  I did "go to bed" on Friday at a rather sad time of 9:45PM, only to wake up an hour later to a freeze-frame of Calista Flockhart's sad "Ally McBeal" face, courtesy of Netflix, on my juiceless laptop.    And if you're wondering, no, this isn't bottom.  I realized I was done Rip Van Winkle-ing my way through the night about two hours ago, but how I wish I could sleep...or maybe...no, just sleep.

For the past week or so, I have been holding a garage sale in my garage-less home.  My apartment has become a Big Lots! for fine furnishings and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't slightly depressing.  Strangers have been coming into my apartment and walking out with my furniture that I've accumulated along my way into adulthood; pieces that I remember picking out and getting excited over, that were maybe too expensive, but worth the money because they were "going to be with me forever."  For example, that Crate Barrel dresser that I got when I was 26, which now belongs to some 3-year old in Pasadena who will draw on it in crayon and outgrow it in two years; or the Crate & Barrel nightstand I got when I was living in North Carolina trying to become a doctor which now belongs to woman who bought it for her baby that's not even born yet (which is ironic considering I kept condoms in there because I'd rather be safe than sorry...that woman, obviously, had a different life approach).  Out of my door go my memories and my pride as an adult, all at bargain (by my standards) prices, to make ends meet.  Soon, I, too, will be leaving my apartment, though I'm pretty sure it won't be on anyone's dolly.  I don't know, I haven't tried listing myself on Craigslist yet...though after a conversation I had where one person argued, "I'll usually only pay about 30% of the value of an item," I'd be very concerned about what I, personally, would finally be sold for.  To be honest, a few coins aren't really going to help my current situation.

For a few reasons, this has been sad as hell.  Even though I look at what I've been so fortunate to have been involved with these past few months (the projects, the casts, the crews, the sets) and what may be on the horizon, as I watched "Mario" carry my refrigerator out yesterday with the last bit of Wondermutt's fur hanging from the bottom, on some level, I feel like a bit of a failure.

This past Wednesday was the L.A. premiere of Heterosexual Jill, the first feature film I ever worked on (I was a production assistant, and if you recall, it was also my acting debut as "Reclaimed Lesbian" thankyouverymuch).  It was the first time I had seen the finished film, the cast and crew since February 2012, and it was such a thrill.  I've said it before and I'll say it a million times--there really is nothing like seeing a movie you've worked on, completed and up on the big screen.  It was thrilling and really so much fun.  On my way home, as I was driving through downtown L.A.,  a film crew was setting up for what looked like a big budget movie car scene with cranes, cameras on cars, elaborate lighting setups, the whole nine.  They did two takes, and I was right in front of the action at a stoplight (you might see my license plate...).  I was completely fascinated, the whole time (the only other times I'm that giddy is on Christmas Eve before Santa arrives or when the bartender comes with my drink).  When the police finally gave us the go ahead to drive through and I saw everyone reset for the next take, I was certain of two things amidst this time of general future uncertainty and bleak financial status: there is nothing I'd rather do than make movies and I have no regrets about pursuing that.

Unemployment Line

It's important to have goals in life.  It gives one purpose, something to dream of achieving, to work towards and strive for.  Every December 31st, millions of people set new goals for themselves--most of them have to do with losing something (i.e., flab, a sucky relationship, the monotony in their lives), or gaining something (i.e., fabulosity, a 401k, someone who has fabulosity and a 401k, or some perspective).  Every Lent, Christians set a 40-day goal of giving up something they (we) love that will be very difficult for them (us) to go without, to remind them (me) of the Lord's suffering to save their (my) otherwise horrible souls (*spoiler alert* - this Lent I'm going to have to take a mulligan...I forgot about my "goals" and had a three-peat offense in one sinful week...trust me, I already know I'm in the back row of heaven when the apocalypse finally does come).

Unemployment is no exception--I feel goals should be set while unemployed, nothing crazy or overreaching, but little goals that are attainable, rational; most likely within reach, but possibly require a little stretching to keep the inner engine running and that little fire burning, so to speak.  So I'm going to share my little list that I've put together for myself in a time of paychecklessness.

In no particular order....

1 - Wash at least three body parts from the forehead down at least once a day.

2 - Ignore sale emails from Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom, no matter how many points they're offering per every dollar spent.  They aren't really friends.

3 - *Remove hair from at least two body parts from the shoulders down at least three times a week (*chin and lip hair not included, as that look could prove profitable with the circus, if necessary).

4 - Flush.

5 - Write.  Anything.  Everyday.

6 - Do not apply to any "freelance artistic" jobs on Craigslist that are located in Chatsworth no matter how tight money gets. (Wondermutt seems to be objecting to this one--although I might not have to, a mutt has got to eat on a daily basis).

7 - Eat only human food (Wondermutt's kibble and treats, though vegan and human-grade, are not technically human food).

8 - Instead of crying (do not cry!), dance...but not like this.

9 - Keep regular sugaring appointments--just in case Wondermutt gets his way with #6

10 - Work on a somewhat tanline-less tan (why not?!) on the balcony.

11 - Make sure the female neighbor across the way isn't home for #10.

12 - Brush teeth daily.

13 - Research freeway off-ramp sales pitching and in-season fruits.

14 - Do all of the (free) things during the week that I hated not being able to do before.

15 - Think about learning how to make duck calls, moonshine, or enter toddler beauty pageants.

16 - Do not leave the house looking like this or this ---- ever.

17 - Enjoy living life, laugh, and be ok if #1-15 slip on a rare occasion.  #16 is non-negotiable.