Unemployment Line

It's important to have goals in life.  It gives one purpose, something to dream of achieving, to work towards and strive for.  Every December 31st, millions of people set new goals for themselves--most of them have to do with losing something (i.e., flab, a sucky relationship, the monotony in their lives), or gaining something (i.e., fabulosity, a 401k, someone who has fabulosity and a 401k, or some perspective).  Every Lent, Christians set a 40-day goal of giving up something they (we) love that will be very difficult for them (us) to go without, to remind them (me) of the Lord's suffering to save their (my) otherwise horrible souls (*spoiler alert* - this Lent I'm going to have to take a mulligan...I forgot about my "goals" and had a three-peat offense in one sinful week...trust me, I already know I'm in the back row of heaven when the apocalypse finally does come).

Unemployment is no exception--I feel goals should be set while unemployed, nothing crazy or overreaching, but little goals that are attainable, rational; most likely within reach, but possibly require a little stretching to keep the inner engine running and that little fire burning, so to speak.  So I'm going to share my little list that I've put together for myself in a time of paychecklessness.

In no particular order....

1 - Wash at least three body parts from the forehead down at least once a day.

2 - Ignore sale emails from Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom, no matter how many points they're offering per every dollar spent.  They aren't really friends.

3 - *Remove hair from at least two body parts from the shoulders down at least three times a week (*chin and lip hair not included, as that look could prove profitable with the circus, if necessary).

4 - Flush.

5 - Write.  Anything.  Everyday.

6 - Do not apply to any "freelance artistic" jobs on Craigslist that are located in Chatsworth no matter how tight money gets. (Wondermutt seems to be objecting to this one--although I might not have to, a mutt has got to eat on a daily basis).

7 - Eat only human food (Wondermutt's kibble and treats, though vegan and human-grade, are not technically human food).

8 - Instead of crying (do not cry!), dance...but not like this.

9 - Keep regular sugaring appointments--just in case Wondermutt gets his way with #6

10 - Work on a somewhat tanline-less tan (why not?!) on the balcony.

11 - Make sure the female neighbor across the way isn't home for #10.

12 - Brush teeth daily.

13 - Research freeway off-ramp sales pitching and in-season fruits.

14 - Do all of the (free) things during the week that I hated not being able to do before.

15 - Think about learning how to make duck calls, moonshine, or enter toddler beauty pageants.

16 - Do not leave the house looking like this or this ---- ever.

17 - Enjoy living life, laugh, and be ok if #1-15 slip on a rare occasion.  #16 is non-negotiable.